Z is for Zymotic
by IWriteNaked
Summary: Isabelle always thought it was beautiful to share her life with someone, but who was she to judge Jace for being so afraid? One shot. AU.


**AHAHAHAHAH. Here I am, writing a one shot about my personal life again.**

**¯\\_(****ツ****)_/¯ Sue me.**

**Thanks so much to Rippingbutterflywings for being my favorite and beta'ing this. Thanks to DeathCabForMari for being my other favorite and being my Parabatai.**

**This was originally a poem titled "Make the Next One Hurt" and the lines from the poem are in italics, and GreyGirl2358 gave me the idea to make it a one shot. Love you, girl! You are also my favorite.  
**

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_You are drunk and it is two in the afternoon_.

Isabelle sat with her back against the door, straining to hear his voice. She should have known that kissing her brother's best friend was a bad idea, but something about him made her stop caring. So, when he said he liked her for more than just sex, she allowed herself to like him, too.

_You are drunk because you let someone else in and didn't even flinch when they tore you open completely_.

Jace shifted on the couch and pressed his lips down on hers. Hard. Isabelle was used to gentle touches and boys who were intimidated by her. She had grown accustomed to the hesitation, but she welcomed Jace's aggression.

The kiss lasted only a second before he said they had to stop. He didn't want to do anything before getting Alec's approval. Isabelle appreciated it. Since her father left, Alec had taken on the roll of keeping her safe, and it was important to her that they didn't do anything to make him uncomfortable. She didn't want to ruin a friendship.

_You are drunk because your life has taken a drastic turn for the worse_.

Isabelle didn't know what she was doing. Simon told her he needed "space" two weeks before she kissed Jace. She moved into an apartment with her brother, Magnus, and their new daughter, Alyse.

Jace had spent every weekend with Alec for the last 4 years. Isabelle knew him. She'd had a crush on him for ages, but it wasn't something she actually expected to happen. So, when Jace showed an interest, it caught her off guard.

_You are drunk because there is no one here to stop you_.

She'd been in her room all day, despite the rumbling in her belly. She just couldn't see him. Not after all of this. How could she look into his golden eyes and pretend that everything was fine when it so clearly was not?

Isabelle brought the bottle to her lips. It was two in the afternoon, but she was beyond the point of caring. She'd lost her sense of time.

_You are drunk because why the fuck not?_

The first night they kissed each other, Jace asked Isabelle what she was looking for. He told her he liked her and that, if she didn't want anything more than sex, it was fine. He said he could be that guy, though he wanted more. And she told him she didn't want him to be that guy, either. She wanted more, too.

Isabelle had a tragic habit of wanting it all.

_You are drunk because you just don't care._

Her stash of gum, water, and booze was running on empty. It was time to leave her room and face him.

She cracked the door slowly at first, hating the way his voice floated down the hallway and caused her to flinch at the sudden tightness in her throat.

His voice always hit her so hard.

_You are drunk because you've grown accustomed to love that always ends in fists._

He didn't even call it off himself. The moment Alec found out about them, Jace denied the entire situation. It took him days to admit it, and when he finally did, Alec said it was fine.

That's when he told Alec that he was no longer interested. Isabelle had to hear it from Alec instead of Jace. That's what pissed her off the most.

_You are drunk because you get reckless when you want to be touched._

She tried to walk silently into the kitchen, hoping he wouldn't notice her. Isabelle didn't even glance his way, despite the gnawing desire to know if he was looking at her.

She hoped he would regret it.

_You are drunk because of the debilitating loneliness that has plagued you lately._

He was a damn good kisser.

She liked the way he pressed their bodies together, his hard chest against hers. She liked that they could stay up until 8 in the morning just talking to each other and kissing. Isabelle especially liked that he never tried to take it further. That was enough for him, and it was a surprising change of pace.

_You are drunk because you allowed him to hike up your favorite skirt. Now, it's stained with him and you can't scrub away the residue that his hands left in their wake._

It was too soon to move on. She knew that. Simon had been her boyfriend for two years. They'd lived together for ten months. They were planning their lives together. And being asked to leave hurt more than she expected it to.

Still, when Jace kissed her, she didn't stop him. All she wanted was someone to share small, honest, fleeting moments with.

God, they were gone before she was ready to let them go. They passed like sand through her fist, and she was powerless to stop them. And she enjoyed every moment with Jace.

_You are drunk because he walked away with one eyebrow arched at an impossible angle and a sinister smirk that brought your blood to a boil._

Alec made her come out for dinner. She sat at the table, staring down at her plate. Jace was seated across from her looking one hundred times more comfortable than she felt. He made Isabelle feel like a stranger in her own home, and she wanted to hate him. She had never wanted to hate someone so badly, but she still felt nothing other than this grotesque longing.

_You are drunk because you can't be in a room with him without your heart rallying again your ribcage._

It didn't make sense to her. Everything was going so well, until Jace backed out with no explanation other than she was "too good" for him. Isabelle had heard the excuse before, and she thought it was pathetic. In the following weekends her earbuds became a constant, as if the sound of Zac Eisenstein's voice could mimic the hidden moments.

_You are drunk because you don't know if you'll ever write something worth while again._

Isabelle didn't know how long she had been pacing. She'd never paced before in her life, but it was calming her down. She'd yet to talk to him, but it was time. She needed answers, and she was nearly prepared to march out there and demand that he tell her what she did wrong. She wanted to know what was so wrong with her.

She was done making him feel like he didn't exist.

_You are drunk because your own father hates you._

To say that Isabelle had daddy issues would be one hell of an understatement. She hadn't seen him in years and couldn't even remember his first name.

Maybe that was why her relationships never worked out. Maybe she ruined them without even realizing it, because she was afraid to end up like her mother. She had to know what made Jace slip away from her, but the words wouldn't come. She sat down on the opposite side of the couch and they were silent for several moments before she settled for telling him that she still cared about him, despite everything. Jace told her he still wanted to be her friend, and she agreed, even though she wasn't sure if she could handle being his friend.

_You are drunk because you hate you._

They were friends before this. In his phone, her number was saved under "BFF Forever." Isabelle couldn't remember how that started, but they'd been joking about being BFFs for years. Could she go back to that? Would she ever get back to the comfortable condition of watching movies with him until 4 in the morning and making jokes about being best friends forever?

Isabelle realized that she never knew him very well to begin with, but now they'd shared their insecurities, and he knew exactly how she liked to be kissed. She knew that he hated how thin his wrists were, and he knew that she hated the sound of her own voice. She wouldn't forget the way his heartbeat sounded or the way she felt when he smiled at her.

Isabelle would never forget the way a lemony flavor lingered on her tongue after kissing him. She could still taste him, though he wasn't even the last boy she kissed. She'd gotten reckless and slept with a boy she didn't even like, and not even a week later, she kissed her best friend.

Wasn't she stable before she met him?

It shouldn't have mattered, right? What she did from there was none of Jace's concern.

The truth is that it's hard to fall for someone and have them leave. Isabelle didn't know how to make that into poetry, but she wasn't ready to.

_You are drunk and it is two in the afternoon.  
Take a few more drinks.  
There's still so much day left to get through.  
_

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**True story. ¯\\_(****ツ****)_/¯  
**

**-IWriteNaked**


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